That's My Home

     The refrain of Billy Joel's song You're My Home says "Whenever we're together that's my home."  After a typical Italian expierience of going out into the city to recharge my cell phone, only to find that the store was closed, I slipped into one of my favorite churches in the city, the Basilica of St. Andrew.  I walked in and as I was going to the side altar where the Blessed Sacrament is reposed, I noticed all of the people taking in the beauty of the church.  This particular basilica has beautiful paintings of the martyrdom of St. Andrew along with many other treasures.
     As I walked past these people captivated by the beauty of the church, I began to wonder if I was becoming calloused to beautiful churches after having been in Rome for 3 years.  Though this may be a small factor in my experience, I think something deeper was at work.  The beautiful art, the precious materials, they are all meant to lead us to God.  I have had many experience when a painting or a sculpture or the vast quantities of precious materials in a church have led me to prayer.  But in this particular moment, I didn't need them, I already knew what the real treasure was, or should I say, Who the real treasure was and where I could find Him.  No matter where in the world I find myself, no matter what is wrong, when I step into a church and kneel before the tabernacle which houses our Savior, I feel at home.  So Billy Joel was right, whenever were together, that's my home!

Love Covers a Multitude of Sins...and Shortcomings!

     Last night I was invited to speak to a group of high school students who gather at a local Church each week to discuss life.  I was invited so that they could be exposed to another seminarian to see that we are normal people (I'm still trying to figure out why I was picked to show them we are normal!).  One of the questions that I was asked after I gave a brief story of my life was "do you still get scared of not knowing how to answer people?"  Have these people been reading my journal?  That is probably the number one fear I have had recently in approaching the altar of God to be ordained a priest.  What will I say when people ask me about x, y, or z?
     The answer I gave surprised me, sort of.  I said that it is important to be vulnerable.  It is important to show people that you love them and that you are willing to stand there and not know what to say...but that you are willing to stand there anyway.  We must be willing to journey with people.  That means that we won't always know the answers, but we are willing to seek the answers together with them.
     This approach will require a lot of time and effort on our part, but it takes away a great burden.  We don't need to know all of the answers.  Of course we can't use this as an excuse not to learn as much as we can about our Catholic faith, but we must come to the point where we are humble enough to admit when we don't know...and that will happen a lot!
     The key is love. We have to love people enough to tell them the truth and to stand there when they have questions, especially "why?".  We must love them enough to stand there and take whatever may come our way when they don't agree with us or when we don't know answers, and we must love them enough to agree to journey with them in finding those answers however difficult and painful it might be.  So in the end St. Paul was right (shocking, I know), "love covers a multitude of sins," and it can also cover a multitude of our shortcomings, if we are willing to give of ourselves.

Why Am I Doing This?

     In a recent holy hour, the question came to mind "why am I doing this?"  The question was not related to the holy hour, but to my vocation; Why am I becoming a priest?  Almost immediately, the answer came to mind; "You are doing this because you have encountered the love of Christ and you want to help others to experience that same love."  This may seem like a great epiphany, but it is actually nothing new.  In fact, it is a new spin on something I have prayed on many times.  I once heard it said that we should take our lead from the Blessed Mother (duh!) in the first two mysteries of the Joyful mysteries of the Holy Rosary.  In the first mystery, the Annunciation, the angel comes to Mary and announces that she will conceive the Son of God in her womb.  God comes to Mary, she has an encounter with Him.  What is Mary's immediate response after God comes to her?  She goes in haste to visit her cousin Elizabeth.  Moved by the love of God Mary must share that love with others, with those that she loves.

     Pope Francis spoke on this phenomenon in his first encyclical saying, "Those who have opened their hearts to God’s love, heard his voice and received his light, cannot keep this gift to themselves" (Lumen Fidei 37).  God's love is so amazing, makes us so happy that we cannot keep it to ourselves once we experience it.  We must go out and bring that love to others.  We experience this with things that have no lasting value too.  When I eat at a good restaurant, I want to share it with people so they can have good food too.  When I like a brand of electronics, I tell my friends about it so that they can have a better experience with their phone, tv, radio, etc.  If we are moved to share such mundane things with our friends, it only makes sense that we would share the good news of salvation and love with them too.

Eyes on the Prize!

     A couple of weeks ago we had our annual softball tournament here at the NAC where guys from the 3 different universities we attend for the first 3 years of study play each other.  The Angelicum, which I attend had been on a winning streak for the past several years (7 or so).  However, that day the Gregorian put together a great field and came up with a big win.  I had a pretty good game by anyone's standards.  I went 3 for 4 and had many catches in the outfield.  That sounds good when you say it like that.  However, the one time I did get out, we were in prime position to puts some runs across the plate as we had at least 2 guys on base.  I hit a pretty good ball to second base, but right at the 2nd baseman and the inning ended.  I also missed one ball at a crucial point in the game which allowed the Greg to plate a couple more runs.
     The week after the game, I went to Confession.  After I had told the priest my sins he looked at me and said, "Can I ask you a personal question?"  I started thinking about my sins wondering which one he would ask about.  Then it came, "How did it feel when you missed that fly ball?"  Not really what I was expecting, but I swallowed my pride and told him something along the lines of "not too good".  He continued asking, "did you let it get to you?"  I had to be honest, so I replied, "a little bit Father".  It was a crucial point in the game and when I thought "if I could have gotten a hit and if I could have caught that fly ball, the game might have ended differently."  What was the point of asking that question though?  It came when Father told me for my penance to take that feeling when I missed the fly ball, that experience of making that mistake and pray with it, to bring it to Jesus on the Cross, then to wrap it in a Hail Mary.
     I have to admit, at first I was a little shocked.  This seemed rather silly.  It was a softball game, and though I was a little upset, in the grand scheme of things it didn't mean much.  But I agreed and I went to pray in the presence of our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.  Almost immediately, I remembered why I missed that ball.  In the excitement of the game and in my concern with the base runners  I took my eye off the ball.  It wasn't long, maybe a fraction of a second before it went into my glove, but I took my eye off the ball.  It struck me that this is exactly why I needed to go to confession.  At different times, in different ways and to different degrees, I had taken my eyes off of Christ, off of the One who hung upon the Cross for me, who poured out his blood so that I might live.  It is not enough to be focused on Christ when things are going well,  when no one is on base, when the pressure is off.  No, it is in the times when the stakes are high that we need to focus on him the most.  The easy situations are training so that when the rubber hits the road, we will be ready and able to cling to him who is our salvation.
     Lord, I thank you for this humbling and formative experience.  I thank you for continuing to form me to be a good priest even in the most unusual and unexpected ways.  Please continue to pray for me that I may see God's hand in every event in my life.  Please especially pray that I will remained focused on Christ, our crucified and risen Lord.  In those times when we fall and feel unable to do anything on our own, we should remember the words of St. Paul that "I can do all things in him who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13).

In Christ,
Patrick

We’ve Only Just Begun…The After Party

     After all of the excitement in the Square, we headed back to the College.  There, as I walked in, I was asked to serve the prayer service that we would have to pray for our new Holy Father as he had just asked us to do.  In excitement me and one of the others who had been asked to serve ran down one of the halls and jumped bumping hips (as football players do to celebrate a touchdown - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlEhKi14kaw...see around 8 seconds) and ran off to get our albs.  We returned to the sacristy a little more subtly and received our instructions.

     This was a very powerful experience.  Again we had 250+ in the chapel all gathered to beg God to bless our new pope, that he might be docile to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and lead the Church in the direction God desires it to go.  The first thing that jumped out as we entered the chapel is that in the dead of Lent, the altar cloth and other decorations were a brilliant golden color.  In this season of penance and sacrifice, we rejoiced in the election of Pope Francis.  We processed in with incense, candles and the crucifix and were led in prayer by our rector.  The Blessed Sacrament was exposed and we prayed in silent adoration for 10 minutes.  Then, the choir led us in chanting the Te Deum, an ancient song of thanksgiving.  The Blessed Sacrament was then reposed and we exited the chapel.

     After this most appropriate way of thanking God for giving us a new pope we continued the celebration in the Student Lounge.  As “King STUAC,” I had the great privilege of announcing that we would have a free night (everything in the lounge was paid for by STUAC – Student Activities Committee).  This of course brought most of the house down to the lounge to enjoy a drink and snack (we hadn’t eaten dinner since we were supposed to eat after the release of what we thought would be black smoke).  There, the rector more informally led the community in thanking God for giving us Pope Francis as our earthly shepherd.  He then gave the College’s first (unofficial) toast to the Holy Father after which we all joined in singing Ad Multos Annos.  The joy at the College was visible.  We didn’t really know what to do.  What do you tell someone when a new pope is elected?  Congratulations?  Good job?  We didn’t know, but we were all happy and even though it had just happened in the last 2 hours, we were already recounting how it all went down in our particular part of the square, what each of our individual experience was like.

     One of the most moving parts of the night came when our rector said that the cardinals were making their way back to the College.  Many of the students went to welcome them back.  It turned out that about 100 of us lined up along the walls of the hallway where they would come out of the Red Room through which they entered the College.  As we were standing there waiting, we began to do different cheers, slow claps and the like.  The energy was palpable, and you could see the joy in people’s face.  We chanted for the rector and for the different priests that work at the College as they came by.  The loudest cheers came for the Jesuit priests as one of their own was now our pope.  Finally after about 20 minutes of waiting the Cardinals arrived and began coming out through our line of seminarians.  As they did, we chanted their names and gave monstrous rounds of applause.  They were really taken aback by this.  I heard from one seminarian that his cardinal was really moved by this experience.  Seminarians cheering like at a soccer match (we were in fact modifying cheers that we use at our soccer games to fit the cardinals names) for the men who had just elected the next Successor of St. Peter.  I have never experienced anything like that before in my life.  Of course, Cardinal Dolan took it all in stride.  He was so impressed that he informed us that he would sponsor a free night in our lounge the following Sunday for St. Patrick’s Day.  That night, the cardinals were like rock stars to us!

     After the cheering and arrival of all of the Cardinals that were staying with us at the College they were divided up to different rooms to conduct interviews.  I stepped into the interview of Cardinal Dolan for a listen.  It was great to hear from him (which was reiterated later at a talk by 4 other cardinals) that the conclave was a tremendous time of prayer and discernment for the Cardinals.  He assured the faithful that the Holy Spirit really guided the cardinals in their selection and that the prayers of the faithful from around the world were felt and very much appreciated.

As Pope Francis begins his Petrine Ministry, I am so thankful that I have had this opportunity to be in Rome for such an historic event in the life of the Church and indeed the whole world.  I am glad that I have had this opportunity to reflect and get down on paper how the events of the last few weeks touched my heart.  My love for the Church has grown so much through witnessing these events and it is my hope that these reflections have been an opportunity to share that love with others so that they too might grow in love for Holy Mother Church.  Let us pray for Pope Francis and for all of the cardinals that they might continue to grow in love for Jesus Christ.  It is only through love for Christ that they will be able to effectively lead us, the faithful in our journey toward our heavenly homeland.

Reflections from the Conclave and Election of Pope Francis

In St. Peter's after the Mass for
the opening of the conclave.

            After days of waiting for all of the 115 elector cardinals to arrive in the Eternal City, they finally came together and agreed that the conclave to elect the next pope would begin on Tuesday, March 12, 2013.  On that morning when the conclave was to begin there was a Mass in St. Peter’s Basilica to pray for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on the Cardinals that they might elect the man who was already known to God to lead His Church.  The “day of pageantry” as it was dubbed by one news outlet was truly special and something to behold.  To an outsider it may just look like any other organization pulling out the fine decorations and clothing for a nice event, but for me as a Catholic seminarian on the verge of being ordained a priest (God willing) it was much, much more!  This was the most powerful men in the Church processing to the altar of God to implore his mercy, grace, wisdom and knowledge so that they might choose the man that would please Him.  The Mass for the opening of the Conclave shows how much the Cardinals realize that they can do nothing good on their own.  Rather, they must rely on God for everything if they are to live in accord with His will.  What a great lesson this is for all of us.

The Papal Liturgist removing everyone who isn't a voting cardinal from
the chapel (with the words extra omnes) and locking the doors.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QU0c2gKEQ2c

            That afternoon the cardinals went through the rules of the conclave and after each one approached the altar and swore his promise to abide by the rules, everyone but the 115 voting cardinals were removed from the Sistine Chapel and the voting began.  The first day there was only one vote and the smoke was to go up around 7pm.  A pope being elected on the first day is virtually impossible.  However, I went down to the square to witness the smoke, even if it was going to be black because this was a great moment in history.  As we all expected, the smoke was black, the cardinals did not elect a new pope on the first vote.  As the smoke began coming out the whole square gasped and awed until it was clear that the smoke was black.  We returned to the College ready for another day of suspense and excitement.

            The next morning (Wednesday, March 13, 2013) I was scheduled to give the presentation for my seminar.  Due to a wise seminarian and a very understanding professor, we moved the location of our seminar from the university (a 35 minute walk from St. Peter’s) to our College (a 5 minute walk or 2 minute fun run from St. Peter’s).  Some of the guys in the class had their computers and were watching online for early smoke signaling a new pope.  The early smoke never came and with the 11:45am ballot burning, black smoke was once again released into the Roman sky.  We were relieved and could rest our minds and hearts for a couple of hours until the next potential release of smoke.

            This next chance for smoke would be around 5:30pm and would only happen if a pope was elected on the 1^st ballot of the afternoon voting session.  Due to the circumstances, the College changed the daily house schedule to accommodate our desire to be in the square at key times.  One way the schedule changed was that the 5:45pm holy hour was moved to 5:15pm and Evening Prayer was moved to 6:15pm.  This would have EP ending at 6:30pm, which would give the students plenty of time to get down to the square for the 7:00pm release of smoke.  As I sat in the chapel for the 5:15 holy hour the thought ran through my mind several times that a 5:30pm early release of smoke would mean I would miss it and have to run to the square late.  I was somewhat anxious, but I was comforted thinking, “This is where I need to be”.  Praying for the cardinals took on a whole new meaning as I thought about them at that very moment in the Sistine Chapel placing their votes.  Where else could I do a better service to them, to the Church and to God at that moment than on my knees in front of our Eucharistic Lord?  I would be lying if I said I was completely calm the whole hour I was praying.  Several times when I heard the door open I waited to see if someone would say that they had released smoke and that we needed to get down to the square.  As it turns out, God rewards those who are faithful to Him…5:30pm came and went and no smoke reared its head from the chimney in the square.

            At 6:15pm we had community evening prayer.  For several days before up to that very night, we had been praying a special prayer for the election of a pope together as a community just before evening prayer.  In the minutes before we began, the lector for that day went up to the ambo and 250+ priests, deacons and seminarians got on their knees to ask God for his guidance of the cardinals.    After this, we prayed EP (In a homily today (March 15, 2015) it was pointed out that it could have been at the precise moment that we were praying evening prayer that the cardinals were electing the new pope…powerful) and when it was over, the entire College joined much of Rome in heading down to St. Peter’s Square.  The only way to describe what happened after EP is to say that it was like a sports dressing room…let me explain.  We have a long narrow room outside of the chapel where guys will leave things if they are going out after prayer.  There were literally about 100 guys going in their putting on coats, grabbing cameras and umbrellas and getting ready to go.

After I got my jacket and cameras and swam through the people I made my way out of the College with some of my friends.  I made a comment about needing to go to the bathroom, but figured I would be back in a few minutes and I didn’t want to be late, so we left.  As we approached the square the line was pretty long and they were ushering people through security.  There is no pope and the cardinals are all in one place…not sure why they were doing this.  We joked saying maybe they knew something we didn’t.  We quickly made our way through “security” and into the square.  Once in the square we got to where we could see one of the TV screens since the chimney is pretty hard to see at night.  I was satisfied with our position, but the guys I was with wanted to move into a better position.  Since they led the way, I agreed to follow.  We moved closer to the center of the basilica and further up in the square and ended up next to one of the religious sisters who teaches us at the university.  We chatted for a while as it was still about 10 minutes before 7:00pm.

WHITE SMOKE coming from the chimney!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc78mF1hnvw

I had my back turned to the screen when I heard the collective gasp of the crowd alerting me that the smoke had begun.  I finished my conversation then turned around expecting to see black smoke.  It was grey at first and then with the noise in the square getting greater with every passing second, it quickly became apparent that it was in fact WHITE SMOKE!  I still can’t put into words what seeing that smoke made me feel.  I couldn’t believe it.  I didn’t want to act like a fool only to find out that it was black.  I denied it saying over and over again, “no, no, no way, no.”  Then one of the guys in our group said what I was waiting for, “the bells are going.”  This was it.  The cardinals had done their job and elected a new Roman Pontiff, a new leader of the Catholic Church.  I continued saying “no,” what by know was the only word it seems I knew, more in disbelief that I was in the square witnessing history than because I actually thought the smoke was black.  How could this be?  Why is God so good to me?  How had the cardinals elected a pope in the 5^th vote when going into the conclave there was no clear frontrunner?  I was already planning to miss class on Thursday and Friday because I wanted to be in the square for the white smoke, yet here it was and there I was, witnessing history with hundreds of thousands from around the world and with some of my closest friends from the NAC.

"The bells are going!"

We quickly ran up closer to the basilica with the rest of the crowd and we all crammed in.  It had been a rainy night in Rome, but when the smoke bellowed out of the chimney and those big beautiful bells on the left side of the façade of St. Peter’s began announcing to the world that a pope had been elected, the skies closed up and it turned into a beautiful Roman night!  We squished and crammed our way as close as we could with about 300,000 of our closest friends and awaited the announcement and appearance of our new pope.  We happened to meet up with a reporter for Vatican Radio and she asked our thoughts on when, what name, etc. before the smoke.  She managed to stay with us as we moved up and continued to ask us our feelings.  I feel like my answers sounded much like me moving my finger across my lips like a little kid because I couldn’t get any words out.

What ensued was absolutely amazing (because it hadn’t been up to this point right?).  Several bands dressed in their regalia began marching out into the front part of the square: the Swiss Guard Band (glad to have a new pope and a job again), the Carabinieri Band, and a few others.  Lights began coming on in windows on the façade of St. Peter’s and about 1 hour after the smoke first began, we were ready to welcome our new father.  First, the cardinal came out for the famous announcement.  Annuntio vobis gaudium magnum, HABEMUS PAPAM!  I announce to you a great joy, we have a pope!  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsmrMPc3PYw)  Then he proceeded to say that they elected George…we looked at each other thinking, “Cardinal George?”…then came his last name Cardinal Bergoglio…we all looked at each other and asked, “Who?”.  One of my friends had seen his name just that morning on a possible candidates list and so he told us he was an Argentinean Cardinal.  We cheered and waited for him to make his first appearance.

As the curtains began to move the crowd let out short scattered cheers, but when they parted and the pope began to come out, led by the Crucifix, the entire square and beyond let up a great roar.  After the cheers went on for a while the new Vicar of Christ greeted his flock for the first time.  He stood there stiff, looking uncomfortable and unsure and we wondered if he was going to faint.  We all looked at each other as if to ask, what’s going on, what’s happened.  Then he began, “brothers and sisters…good evening.”  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XLEdR0HMoM) As he said “good evening” a grin appeared on his face and he immediately won the hearts of many of us in that square and around the world.  My friend recounted the experience by saying that we were standing there watching, asking for him just to give us one little sign of his affection and we would love him and he did just that with “good evening.”  They were simple words from a simple man, and that was all it took.  He then asked that we join him in prayer for Benedict XVI, bishop emeritus of Rome, who had guided the Church for 8 years before him.  He led us in the Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be for Benedict.  For us who have such a great love for Benedict, this was an amazingly comforting gesture and really helped to show just how humble Pope Francis really is.  After that he asked that before he gave his first Apostolic Blessing, that we pray that God would bless him.  He bowed down and 300,000+ were dead silent for a few moments.  I don’t know if I’ve ever prayed that hard in my life, asking the Holy Spirit, who had led the cardinals to elected Pope Francis, to flood him with his presence so that he might lead the Church of Christ well.

"The Church is young, and She is alive!"

Aside from the birth of my nieces and nephew, I don’t know that I have ever fallen in love with someone as quickly as did with Pope Francis.  He radiates the simplicity that he preaches.  With two simple words it seems as though he won my heart, “buona serra” (good evening).  His humility in praying for Benedict and in asking us to pray for him had a major impact on me.  After that night in the square, I now know what people mean when they say that the atmosphere was electric, or that the joy was palpable.  I still cannot explain the emotions I experience that night.  I also cannot adequately describe the sense of joy and love I had seeing that white smoke rise and being surrounded by thousands and thousands of people who braved what began as a nasty Roman night to see an old man dressed in white walk out on to a balcony.  The words of Benedict XVI at his last audience echoed in my mind as I stood in that square, “The Church is young and She is alive!”

Pope Benedict’s Last Days

            These have truly been some of the most memorable weeks of my life.  Leading up to the conclave which began on Tuesday March 12, 2013, the U.S. Cardinals who don’t live in Rome (7 in total) stayed in residence here at the NAC.  As usual, they were all very friendly and it was great to see them around the halls.  Though they were courteous, you couldn’t help but notice the seriousness in their look as they walked around the College.  It was such a blessing to see them discussing with one another, having them celebrate Mass for us, asking for our prayers, and especially looking over in the chapel during a holy hour to see one or more of the cardinals in prayer.  In this way they prepared for their role in electing the new pope.  It was serious business and they took it as such.  Throughout the days and weeks leading up to the conclave I thought frequently of the words which Cardinal McCarrick spoke to the community just before lunch on February 11^th, the day that Pope Benedict XVI announced that he would resign at the end of the month.  The cardinal mentioned how privileged we were to be in Rome at such an historic time.  He encouraged us to take part in this moment certainly by participating in the events which would surround the conclave, but not only in that way.  Most importantly, he told us, take part in the conclave through our prayers.  He told us that we have a role in the election of the next pope by flooding the electors with our prayers.

Last ride around St. Peter's Square in the "Pope Mobile"

            Wednesday February 27^th came and I attended the final audience of Pope Benedict XVI.  This was a bittersweet moment.  It was great to be there, but it was hard to say goodbye as for the last 8 years he has been such a huge influence on my life even to the point of helping to finally get me into seminary (I hope to write something on this soon).  The day was filled with emotions and in true Ratzinger style he gave a great address at the audience.  Seeing him go around St. Peter’s Square with the crowds cheering for several minutes was truly amazing.  Finally, he went back behind the basilica and that was the last time I would see him in person.

My professor waiving as the helicopter passed by.

            The following day, Pope Benedict’s last as the leader of the Roman Catholic Church was a somber one in Rome.  I had seminar that afternoon as we had moved it from Wednesday morning so that we could attend the final audience.  Around 5:05pm Rome time we took our break (10 minutes early) and went outside to see if Pope Benedict would fly over on his way out to Castel Gandolfo.  Almost immediately as we got outside in the garden at the Angelicum we began to hear and see a speck far off in the air.  It came closer and flew by not too far from us.  It was great to get to wave to Pope Benedict, showing him our support.  Just as quickly as the helicopter came, it was out of site taking with it our humble leader for the past 8 years.  Less than 3 hours from that moment we 1.2 billion Catholics world-wide would become sheep without an earthly shepherd.  At 8pm Rome time the doors to the palace at Castel Gandolfo were closed and the Swiss Guards went off duty as they were no longer needed since there was no pope to protect.  The well-being of His Holiness Benedict XVI was turned over to an Italian police unit and the Church went into a period of mourning marked by intense prayer and anxious waiting for the 266^th Successor of St. Peter.

Talk About a Hole In One

     I am not an avid golfer, but I have played a handful of times (I'm a day of a wedding/fundraiser frequency).  These few times have shown me enough to know what golfers mean when they say that one good shot will get you back out there to play again.  This is especially true when the shot comes near the end of a rough day.  After a day of "spending more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff," a good shot can make everything right (at least on the golf course).  This feeling of accomplishment, even if rather insignificant, if viewed in comparison to the 100+ (I'm really bad!) horrible shots the rest of the day, gives one the strength and desire to continue getting out there and try to improve.
     A few weeks back, I had the same experience with prayer.  After sitting in the chapel for almost an hour and right before I was getting ready to leave, I had a great insight.  I sensed God's presence in a more real way than I had recently, and I just knew at that moment how much He loved me.  It was a great moment, but it was just that, a moment.  It passed quickly (too quickly for my human liking) and then it was gone, though He was not.  God gives us these little moments of grace, of a deeper understanding and greater realization of His love for us and His nearness to us.  The deeper our relationship is with Him, the less we need these moments and the less they will happen.  That being said, they always seem to come at the right moments, when we are so frustrated with prayer that we are tempted to give up.  It is in those moments that God reassures us that spending that hour each day sitting quietly in His presence, listening to His voice and opening ourselves us to the promptings of His Holy Spirit is "worth it."  I forget who said this, but someone was once asked how long he prayed each day.  He responded by saying "only about 10 minutes, but it takes me 50 minutes to get there."
     Prayer is essential if we want to know God's will for us.  We must spend time in silence listening to Him.  Even if it seems like He is not speaking, we must remain committed to time each day spent in silence waiting for Him to speak.  In this way, we will be ready to hear Him when He does speak to us.  In a book I am reading right now the author says that we need to commit ourselves to having moments of contact with God, when we really see Him and commit ourselves to Him.  Early on in our prayer, he continues, we must look Jesus in the face, placing ourselves in His presence and realizing that God dwells within us.  This will be what keeps us coming back to prayer day in and day out.  Let us remain faithful to prayer, not simply living for those moments when we "feel" God's presence, but also appreciating the times when He is silent.  It is in these moments that we are reminded that we can do nothing without God.  It is also in these moments that we are reminded by St. Paul that we can also do all things through Him who strengthens us.

"Lord I am not worthy..."

     I have the great privileged to go to Mass every single day.  I get to encounter our Lord really present in the Eucharist under the appearance of bread and wine day in and day out.  As thankful as I am for this great gift, sometimes I forget how wonderful of a gift this is.  As with many things that we do frequently, I start to take Mass for granted and I don't pay attention as much as I should.

     This past week I had one of those great experiences where I was completely focused during Mass.  I listened to the prayers.  I responded and thought about what I was saying as I did so.  I tried my best to unite myself to Christ and to offer prayers for Pope Benedict as I know he needs them now along with the Cardinals and the entire Church.  It was a great experience and I was thankful the rest of the day that God had allowed me to truly enter into the Mass that day.

     The one part of the Mass that really struck me that day was the words that we say right before communion, "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the words and my soul shall be healed" (I got that right the first time...bye bye old translation!).  When I said those words that day, they shook me like they never had before.  We take these words directly from the Gospel when the soldier wanted Jesus to heal his slave was at home near death.  Jesus agreed, but the soldier replied with these words because he did not feel worthy to have Jesus come into his home.  The soldier said these words out of true humility and his profound realization that we do not deserve any of the wonderful things that God gives us.

     The Church does not have us pray these words in the Mass simply because they sound nice.  We are not to say them as if we are appeasing God by saying what we think He wants to hear.  No!  WE ARE NOT WORTHY.  Receiving the Eucharist is a gift, it is the greatest gift and it comes to us because of the gift from God to man in His Son Jesus Christ.  We only have the Eucharist because of Jesus' complete gift of self on the Cross, through which He won for us salvation.

     This realization should not be depressing and make us think that we are miserable little nothings.  Rather, realizing that we are not worthy on our own merits to receive Jesus, for God to come to us, we should thank Him that much more for giving us this beautiful gift.  Let us never take God's love for granted.  Let us constantly thank Him for all that He has given us, especially the gift of His Son, present Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity in the humble host on the altar.  For we are not worthy that He should enter under our roof, but He says the Word and we are healed!

In Christ,

Patrick