Monday, December 24, 2018

My Cup Overflows

       Three days ago, two of my best friends got married.  It was one of the most joyful occasions of my life.  I have known them both for a while, the groom since 2003 and the bride since a couple year after that.  Over these last couple of days, I've been trying to process it all.  I know weddings are supposed to be joyful occasions, but what made this wedding so different?  What made this wedding so special?  Why am I finding it hard to express how overwhelmingly joyful I am?

Em and I love a good pun!
     Friendship.  This is what makes the difference.  The people that got married are my friends.  They have played an enormous role in my life.  I met Philip at a time when I really needed friends.  I had had a conversion, which caused me to lose a lot of friends.  I needed companionship, I needed support in living the Christian life, I needed to be loved.  Philip, along with others, filled that role.  I have known Emily for a while, but it wasn't until I began working with her at my first priestly assignment that I really got to be friends with her.  She quickly became like a sister to me.  We are both hilarious (we love puns!) and love to have a good time.  Philip has challenged me to consider ideas and positions that I would normally overlook.  Emily has helped me to get to work when I need to, and also helps me not to take myself too seriously.  They have both helped me to grow in many ways.  As hard as it is to say, I have also helped them.  As a friend, and as a priest, I have guided them in different ways throughout their lives.  Philip has recently recounted to me a time during college when I asked him if he was doing ok.  Admittedly, I don't recall that interaction, but he says it was a big moment for him, and he is thankful.  In my years at Wisdom, I had several real conversations with Emily, mostly about guys.  It was awesome to see their relationship develop, for them both to finally find the one, and to help prepare them for marriage.  On the night they got engaged they had some friends over at Phil's parents' house, and I was able to bless them and their engagement.  A few days later on my birthday, they asked me to preside at their wedding.

My sweet birthday cod (card) asking
me to preside at their wedding.
     That idea of friendship extends beyond just the amazing couple.  Through them so many people were brought together.  Another priest friend preached the homily for the Nuptial Mass (amazing!).  During the homily I got to sit, enjoy, and look out.  Of course I got to look out at Phil and Em as they listened attentively.  But I also got to look out beyond them.  It filled my heart with inexpressible joy to look out and to see so many people that I love so dearly.  I saw many families that have taken me in as one of their own, some as a friend of their child, others as a priest.  I saw many people that I've worked with and have become close to.  I saw people who I meet with regularly for a book club.  I saw people who's marriages I've witnessed, who's babies I've baptized, people with whom I've celebrated and mourned.  I saw my parents, my brother priests, and so many others who challenge me to be more generous, who challenge me to be holy.  C.S. Lewis writes about friendship in his book, The Four Loves.  He writes about how the love of friends is not exclusive.  In fact, he says that people become more interesting, and friendships deepen if you expand the group.  Philip brings out something in me that only he can bring out.  Emily brings out something in me that only she can bring out.  When they are not around, that part of me lies dormant.  I have loved being introduced to more people, including more people in our friend group through Philip and Emily.  Several people made the remark to me and others after the wedding that they want to be friends with us because they love what we have!  In this authentic growth, our friendships deepen, and we grow, we become more truly who we are in the process.

Incensing the altar during the preparation of the gifts.
     The thing about all of these people and this idea of friendship is that it is real!  One of the most memorable ideas is in the section on friendship from The Four Loves is when C.S. Lewis distinguishes the love of friends from intimate love by saying that lovers stand facing each other and gaze at each other, into each others eyes, whereas friends stand side by side and gaze together at some common thing.  Friendship can be based on any common interest, but the deeper, the more meaningful that toward which friends look, the deeper, the more meaningful the friendship.  This is why my friendship with Philip and Emily is so wonderful.  It is based on God.  That is the foundation.  That is the common interest.  He is the common goal toward Whom we are striving.  This was captured in a strikingly beautiful picture from their wedding.  Our entire life should look like this picture.  All three of us, facing the same direction, facing the Lord.  My love for them is so deep and real because they help to keep me focused on Him.  They demand that I am a good friend, they demand that I am a good Catholic, they demand that I am a good priest!  By the way they live their lives, they help me to stay on the straight and narrow path that leads to life.

     Another thing that has amazed me about the wedding is how quickly this beautiful couple began living the sacrament.  Each sacrament has an outward sign that points us to the inward reality.  In baptism, for example, we wash with water symbolizing the inward reality of sin being removed from the soul.  In marriage, the outward sign is the couple, the people themselves.  They are to be, in their love for God and for one another, a sign to the world of God's love.  They became this sign in a real way when they exchanged their vows.  They lived as this sign by their attentiveness at Mass.  They lived as this sign by their focus on the Lord with and for each other.  I know they lived as this sign well because of the many people I have heard comment on it.  People have said it was the most beautiful, the most prayerful wedding they've ever been to.  People expressed sorrow at not having friends that live out the faith like this couple and their friends.  I know they lived as this sign because they told me that their wedding Mass was like a retreat for them!  May they always continue to live as a sign to the world, a world so desperately in need of God's love.

     In thinking about writing my reflections on the wedding, I kept going back to verses from Scripture that speak of God's abundant goodness.  The title I chose is from Psalm 23.  I also think of the quote I used for my prayer card when I was ordained a priest.  I chose Psalm 116: 12-13, which reads: "How can I repay the LORD / for all the great good done for me? / I will raise the cup of salvation / and call on the name of the LORD."  How do I repay the Lord and my friends for their goodness to me?  I live my life well.  I can only repay the Lord and my friends by living my vocation well, by being a good priest.  That is what the Lord asks of me.  That is what my friends need from me.  That is what will bring my and many other souls to heaven.  Lord, I thank you for the many many blessings you have lavished upon me.  I thank you for my friends, for my family, and for my faith.  I thank you for the great gift you have given me in calling me to be your priest.  Help me to repay you by raising the cup of salvation and calling up on your name!

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Holy Thursday 2018

Today, was an unexpectedly emotional day.  If I had to sum it all up in a few words, I'd say, "I love being a priest."

Today is Holy Thursday, the day in which Catholics celebrate the end of Lent, and the beginning of the Easter Triduum, the holiest three days of the year.  It is also the day in which in dioceses around the world, priests come together to celebrate the Chrism Mass with their bishop.  At this Mass, priests renew the promises they made at ordination.  In the evening, each parish has the first Triduum liturgy, the Mass of the Lord's Supper.

I began the day as I normally do, with an hour of prayer in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.  I then did some office work before I had to get ready for the Chrism Mass.  Just before Mass and the renewal of priestly promises, I went to confession.  I confessed those sins that I had committed since my last confession (as we always do in confession), but then I went through an extensive list of shortcomings in living out my priestly promises over the last year.  It was humbling to admit how far I am from the ideal of the priest, from being an alter Christus, another Christ.  I am far from perfect, but with God's grace I press on, confident that He can work with imperfect instruments.

The crucifixion scene to the right caught my attention.
I must admit I was a little saddened by the rain.  Because of the weather, we did not process in like we normally do, which includes a row of Cathedral Carmel students on each side of the procession welcoming us and cheering us on as we make our way into the cathedral.  This has brought me a whole new level of joy now that I am assigned at the Cathedral and know many of the students.  Instead of the normal procession, we priests were seated when Mass began.  I was moved up from one of the last pews to the second pew which for some reason had remained empty.  This brought Luke 14:10 to life!  Whereas before I was seated far away, and behind a huge pillar, now I was seated up close with a wonderful view of the beautiful stained glass windows that adorn the sanctuary.  Gazing up at that window, which I have looked at many times, I was reminded of the fact that I am called to that too!  Yes, today is a wonderful day of celebration and joy, but it is followed by Good Friday.  As His priest, I am called to offer myself daily for my flock, and many times it will look like the cross, not like today.  One thing I have come to learn though, is that even in the Cross, there is joy...maybe even especially in the Cross!

In just a few days, I will turn 33, the traditional age at which Jesus died.  I have been commenting on this to a few people lately saying that this is my year!  Of course, it is up to God when He calls me home, but I do think that this will be a very important year in my life.  I'm not sure what He has in store for me, but I know that whatever it is He will also give me the grace to do it.  With this in mind, I was moved by the opening hymn for the Chrism Mass.  It was To Jesus Christ, Our Sovereign King, which we used to sing each week after Benediction at St. Ben's.  It brought back great memories from my two years there.  I was also struck by the final verse: "To You and to Your Church, great King,/We pledge our hearts' oblation;/Until before Your throne we sing/In endless jubilation."  This was the fourth time I have renewed my priestly promises, but for some reason this year seemed more serious.  Singing that I pledge my heart's oblation, I meant it...I really want more than anything to be holy and to help others do the same!  Lord, help me to be a good and holy priest.

Another source of emotion for me today was that it was the first Chrism Mass without Msgr. Mouton (at least physically present...I know he was certainly there!).  It helped me to realize once more just how thankful I am for his priesthood.  He taught me so much, not only in the many conversations we had, but more so in the prayerful and dedicated way that he lived out his priesthood.  I don't know if there is anyone I have known personally that has been more priestly in everything he did.  Msgr, help me to be a good and holy priest!

Finally, the decorations!  It probably isn't a big surprise that a church would use white roses for decorations during the Triduum, but they still got me!  Anyone who knows me knows about my great love for St. Thérèse, and her great love for me!  I can't get into the all the details, but suffice it to say that through a novena I prayed to St. Thérèse early on in theology, white roses have become a symbol for me of my call to the priesthood.  Over and over and over again I have "received" white roses exactly when I needed them.  Each time I am troubled, or doubting my call or my ability to live it out, white roses appear!  What better day than today, the day of the institution of the priesthood to have that reminder once again from my tireless intercessor.  One of my friends (a self-admitted creeper) kept some of the white roses from my first Mass decorations.  Three years later she gave them to me arranged around one of my favorite quotes of St. Thérèse.  She wrote it to a young priest who was struggling in his vocation, but I like to think she said it to me (and repeats it often); "Truly, only in heaven will you know how dear you are to me."  St. Therese, help me to be a good and holy priest.

Did I say finally?  One more thing.  I was also reminded today what one of my seminarian classmates  that shared my birthday pointed out to me.  In 1985 (the year I was born), my birthday fell on Holy Thursday.  Now I know that there are many, many priests who were not born on Holy Thursday, but I see this as another assurance of God's call, and of His great love for me.  "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you."  Before I was ever a thought on earth, God knew that He would create me to be a priest.  I truly believe this.  I truly believe that it is the source of my joy and happiness in being a priest...that I KNOW without the shadow of a doubt that I am being who God created me to be...that I am doing what God created me to do.

What a great day to renew my promises.  Here is what that looks like:

Beloved sons,
on the anniversary of that day
when Christ our Lord conferred his priesthood
on his Apostles and on us,
are you resolved to renew
in the presence of your Bishop and God’s holy people,
the promises you once made?

The Priests, all together, respond: I am.

Are you resolved to be more united with the Lord Jesus
and more closely conformed to him,
denying yourselves and confirming those promises
about sacred duties towards Christ&srquo;s Church
which, prompted by love of him,
you willingly and joyfully pledged
on the day of your priestly ordination?

Priests: I am. 

Are you resolved to be faithful stewards of the mysteries of God
in the Holy Eucharist and the other liturgical rites
and to discharge faithfully the sacred office of teaching,
following Christ the Head and Shepherd,
not seeking any gain,
but moved only by zeal for souls?

Priests: I am.

I have met so many amazing people in my six years of seminary and now almost four years of priesthood.  I know that I have been able to do many good things because of God's grace, and your prayers.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and prayers.  Please, continue to pray for me, that I may be a good and holy priest!

Lord, I don't know why you saw fit to call me to be a priest, but I am thankful, and I absolutely love being your priest!